Final Countdown

I have been up since 5:30 this morning — in fact– this has been my regular wake up time for the past several weeks (on average). I feel much more awake the rest of the day when I do.

Those of you that have been reading (and I know there are some of you *wink) the blog for a bit, know that I have had some career issues. In that I have been trying to decide what to do with myself. And I made a pact with the divine about certain prospects and what agreements and commitments I was willing to make and what has come about due to our discussions is that:

I will not be returning to finish my MA in Literature. I know this is a bit of a turn about from my November blog … but as of now I am letting go. I am refocusing my desires and heading down a new path. One I have actually been suppressing due to fear of all number of things. I have been so depressed for years and didn’t know it. I had pushed all of my fears and stress deep into my musculature and wondered why life felt stiff and immobile and stagnant.

Including life decisions and career decisions.

I have been miserable for the last year and a half because I find this academia to be so disconnected. At least for me. I really don’t care a giant hoot’s worth whether Freud’s Oedipal complex is running rampant through Victorian Literature or classical Greek tragedy. Although it is interesting to read about the historicity of the novel and the extensive biography of the author — I find, all in all — being able to deconstruct a text does not increase my enjoyment of it as a story… pretty much, never. I need something that speaks to me on a soul level… and books always will — but I don’t want to pull things apart anymore — I want to put the pieces back together. I want to stop being scared and being timid and actually build a life that will make me happy, rather than just practical. What has been amazing is that as soon as I actually felt myself release my sense of obligation to finish in order to receive a piece of paper testifying that I had read enough and written enough to be qualified to talk about reading and writing (har) — I began to feel light and giddy and I even giggled. I felt happy. Genuine happy. I have so many more options now. I feel free… I had forgotten what that felt like…

And this is one of the reasons why I deleted my post from yesterday about Bhutto, well, I did it for a number of reasons. But they are all in alignment to the same end goal, I feel.

1) I do not feel it is my best light to focus on fearful things.

2) this does not mean that I do not feel it is a tragedy and not horrible and terribly indicative of the consciousness on the planet but — I want this blog to be about good things. About creative things.

3) I want this blog to be about uplifting and inspiring and sharing and not about setting out to dispel ignorance in a way that is confrontational. It never works anyways. The only thing that ever works is to challenge people to actually feel. To sit with them in such a way that they are open to exploring what drives them. Fear is always the case. In some way or another, always… all ways.

4) I want to start the New Year out in such a way that it speaks only to the person I want to be.

Thus I am seeking to begin with light and love and a sense of freedom from who I thought I was supposed to be and allowing myself instead to become who I actually am. I feel like I have been so stuck in my head, my masculine side, my intellectual obsessions that I have become completely disconnected from my body and my somatic intelligence. So this year will be the year of Becoming Lindsay and one spent actually living in the body, versus trying to escape it.

GOALS

* I want a steady daily yoga practice (I was gifted a 30-Day pass so I will begin in the New Year)
* I want a deep & beautiful daily meditation practice
* I want open lungs, heart, mind & hips
* I want to be more in tune with nature
* I want to grow my own garden (when the weather is warmer, of course)
* I want to live in a manner that rebuilds the temple.
* I want to explore a more conscious and living food lifestyle
* I want to meet David Wolfe & Gabriel Cousens
* I want to spend time at Tree of Life Rejuvenation Center (In February!!)
* I want to travel and see and experience amazing things
* I want the best life ever
* I want to read books & write books & make books & draw books (& finish books)!
* I want to be an artist again
* I want to meet Neil Gaiman

(getting married, of course, is already on the books!) So that’s my “beginning.” My Goals for the year of 2008 and L’année de Moi.

And as I sit here, drinking my morning juice of celery-apple-cucumber-lemon-kale — I think this will be a most amazing year indeed. The Best Year Ever! I am so excited to begin.

New for New Years

I am, as of late, in the business of creating a New Me. I no longer wish to be nipped at the heels by past doubts, obsessions and down-trodden thinking. As the year of 2007 is headed for a close, it seems to be the perfect time. 2007, in numerology translates to an energy number of 9 — a number of completion. and 2008, being a “10″ (or a 1) is all about New Beginnings. It makes sense to close a chapter and start clean and fresh in a whole new way. 2007 marks my last year of school, it marks my last year of writing “single” or “unmarried” on taxes or other forms. I am 27 and I am also experiencing my own year of completion. I have decided that I am beginning a new Be-ing for New Years.

I have spent all afternoon cleaning out files from my computer and old emails. I even changed mine. I am throwing out old magazines and giving away books that no longer add to my understanding of the world. My Bookshelves are far too full and because of this, I am energetically blocking out new Ideas! I am going to give a lot away, I decided today.

I am making plans to go to The Tree of Life center in Patagonia, AZ sometime in February and March. I am planning travel and have signed up for more Art Classes. I feel happy just thinking about this… I haven’t felt this way: this free for a long long time. I have found that I am no longer willing to be miserable for the sake of practicality and society’s definitions of success. I want to be me to the fullest degree and so I am not going to settle a year, month, day longer.

When I step into 2008 I will bring with me only what is needed. No baggage, no clutter, and No Negativity. What you put your attention on Grows and so I am only willing to attract into my life those things and those people and those ideas which assist me in fulfilling my highest potential and purpose, everything else is merely road blocks and detours. I feel like I have stalled long enough. Whether I am have been fearful of failure (or success?), I feel somewhere inside that their is a bigger life for me and so. Here I go. I am seeking a new sense of Be-ing.

Mayan Calendar

So I know that the talk of the Mayan Calendar is really popular right now, but I feel that it’s very important and the more I research and study it, the more accurate I find it to be. I am posting a lecture by Ian Xel Lungold who, sadly, died in 2005. Please sit and watch the whole seminar when you have time, and for more info, then track down Mayan Majix. He is very kind hearted, patient and makes this so easy to understand. Of course, he recommends, as I do, that you do more in depth research on your own. Here’s the stuff from a similar seminar from Whitehorse in 2004.

Abraham-Hicks

“What better way could anyone spend money than back into the economy which gives more people work? What you call your economy is the exchange of human Energy. And so, think back a few hundred years about what your economy was in this nation. And what has changed? Have more resources been trucked in from other planets? Or have more people, over more time, just identified more things that they desire — and the Nonphysical Energy that is endless and infinite supplies that? We never hear any of you say, “Well, I have been well for so many years, that I’ve decided that I’m going to be sick for a while to allow some other people to be well.” Because you know that whether you’re well or not doesn’t have anything to do with them not getting enough wellness. You’re not using up the wellness and depriving them of it. And it is the same thing with the abundance. People that have managed to find vibrational harmony with abundance, so that it is flowing to them and through them — are not depriving anyone else of that abundance.”

Excerpted from one of their workshops in Orlando, FL on Sunday, January 10th, 1999

If you have not already inquired into this click here to learn how to purchase “The Law of Attraction 5CD series” It’s so wonderful, amazing, consider it a requirement — AND it goes so much farther than “The Secret” — which I consider to be dangerous, because it does not discuss the nature of things as deeply as they should be understood. What Abraham Hicks touches on is the ABSOLUTE requirement to create from the heart space, that is: with feeling, lest you invite the duality of creativity.

Feathers in the Windows

“Standing before Stacy’s large glass windows this morning, I saw that they were gloriously ground by the frost. I never saw such beautiful feather and fir-like frosting. His windows are filled with fancy articles and toys for Christmas and New Year’s presents, but this delicate and graceful outside frosting surpassed them all infinitely. I saw countless feathers with very distinct midribs and fine pinnae. The half of a trunk seemed to rise in each case up along the sash, and these feathers branched off from it all the way, sometimes nearly horizontally. Other crystals looked like pine plumes the size of life. If glass could be ground to look like this, how glorious it would be!” – Henry David Thoreau – Journal, 1857

Happy Holidays Everyone! And I’ll leave it to Mr. Lennon to share any other sentiments:

Food Not Lawns!

The Homegrown Revolution!

Urban Homestead

and please, if this sets you aglow, even a little, then visit the website, click Path to Freedom, to get there.